I am trying to dress more like a real grown up lately, …well sort of
Dear Julian Summers,
I am listening to Neutral Milk Hotel in my garage, smoking the Buglers drinking a Red Oval. I reside in the midst of Chicago again. I left Lawrence to go back to school here, Columbia College. Im a real art student again. No worries I am still singing. I just started new band, and our first mission is a Neutral Milk Hotel cover album. Jon, the newest newbie to my refurbished band is a great edition. He is an audio major at Elmhurst college and has the best recording equipment. No more of that half ass garage band recording for me!
Chris called me today and read me a letter over the phone that you had written to him. It made me cry just to hear your words. It put a huge smile on my face. I have been listening to your music lately too. I think that we might do a julian summers cover too, because you rawk ya know.
So before I left the Sunflower house, crazy things happened (as usual). Dena got evicted in january, she was stealing from me. I caught her selling my stuff to ATC. It was messy. In may, I was in a nudist play in topeka with Katie and Jake. My hair was neon pink. Oh sunflowers how I miss. Being back in the north makes me appreciate everyone there so much. It was crazy and quite dissfunctional, but it was the greatest. I think I have kissed at least 9 sunflowers, not all guys.
Im taking fashion basics, poetry, and a drawing studio class. I love my school, and my classes but sometimes I feel like such a loser not having anyone to hang out with every day. Im up at 11pm on a wednesday looking to start my night and everyone else is going to sleep. So I’ve been having a lot more time with myself lately. I have some really killer paintings, and I’m just writing all the time. Journals, poems..etc.
It finally happened, I got arrested three weeks ago. I got arrested for smoking the reefer. My friend P.J. and I were hanging out, catching up because he was in town for the Southwest Folk Fest in Western Springs, IL. P.J. is a super awesome musician that plays folk music as Super Famicom, and punk rock in a band called The Winslows. Anyways he kinda looks like a poster child for drugs (he’s not though). The cop was so mean, he searched my car, and said “I’m not going to find any heroin or cocaine in here am I? Because your tattoos suggest that I will.” Douche Mover…
Here is a poem that I wrote about moving from Kansas back to Chicago,
“Im back here
Back to fearing
my old self
Last night I was
five years old again
or tried to be the girl i was
sitting in-between my
teammates and classmates
best friends forever
or for a while
I dont remember who i was
at that age
growing and shrinking
smoking and drinking
dieing and sinking
myself up out of
so called childhood
into being some what of an
where i go to sleep in my own silence
where i wake up from dreams i cant remember.
In the past nights
the visions come from my last true life,
and my first.
I was born again in Lawrence, Kansas.
My new sisters and brothers were sunflowers.
i didn’t learn about chemistry or algebra there,
i was taught about
nudist plays, new ways to
pay for rent, and blue moon nights
I made that home with only
my love and strength, alone”
I miss you so so so so much Julian. I still have a picture chris gave to me of him and you at a skate park. I put it on the wall right by my bed. You are always in my life, and always will be. Yes, I will serenade you anytime. I hope to see you soon kitten.
This is the room,
I knew I could love you
sexy sunflowers, spring 09
The ladies that have seen me naked.
The ladies I have seen naked.
This is ma lady. She is so fine.
is a boy
I didn’t treat right.
is the boy
i thought about today